I experienced my 'awakening', the 'I can never go back to how things were' moment, in 2013 but my entire life I knew I was here "to teach only love." I completed my Master’s Degree in Spiritual Guidance in February 2017 but truly stepped into my authenticity and full soul expression in 2020.
TLDR: I spent almost 8 years learning the lessons I needed to step into my True Self. I studied several different paths but ultimately it came down to MY decision. The choice is always yours. Are you ready?
I had been a lifelong seeker, a part of me always deeply wondered "Who am I?" "Why am I here?" and "What is my purpose?" One of my earliest memories is staring into my own eyes in the mirror and asking "who am I?", to which I felt the universe respond, "You are the same as I am." Although I would not understand this feeling until much later in life, the feeling was an experience I would not soon forget. As a child I felt I would grow up to be a teacher, but as I grew older that feeling faded as the distractions of life entered and pulled me away from following my intuition.
Active as a young adult I felt as though life came naturally to me, whatever I set my mind to I knew I could accomplish and with little struggle. After completing my undergraduate work in Recreation Administration at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, I knew something was missing. Working in hospitality, events, and later website project management-no job fulfilled my longing to be of service, to be connected, and to leave a lasting impact. I began to wonder if there was another way, a different path, a way for me to be truly helpful.
I grew deeply dissatisfied with the world as I suddenly found myself truly alone for the first time in my life. All of my college friends moved out of town while I stayed to work. I had previously filled my life with so much distraction and kept my schedule packed to the brim, but now I only had a full time job and felt there was nothing else going on in my life. I started exploring conspiracy theories and going down a deep and rather dark rabbit hole exploring themes of separation at their worst. I was devouring philosophy books, not really knowing what I was looking for, just looking for something, anything to explain this dread I now felt towards life.
Not long after, scrolling facebook when I should have been working, I saw a post with a photo of a book: "A Disappearance of the Universe" by Gary R. Renard. I instantly knew I needed to read it. Within the first 100 pages I felt it- that same feeling as a child staring into the mirror- "This is it, this is what I have been looking for." Despite a large part of me resisting the words and messages within the book, I knew without a doubt my life had changed forever. Disappearance of the Universe introduced me to the teachings of A Course in Miracles (ACIM) and brought about a profound awakening within my soul. I quickly began to practice true forgiveness (as taught by the Course), completed my first reading of the text in 1 month and was diligently doing a lesson a day from the workbook.
To say there was no resistance would be silly- I greatly fought the Christian terminology, changing many words in my head as I read, but this teaching came so naturally to me. I understood on a deep level how important this teaching is and could easily discuss and explain the themes to others in my study group. A couple of months into attending the ACIM study group, I facilitated my first ACIM session and on the drive home I felt the undeniable feeling of the universe rushing in to tell me "This is what you are here to teach, you knew it as a child and now it is time, you are here 'to teach only Love.' This is your calling." Yet, after a year with the course, I still wanted more, I still felt a deep longing from within that something was missing, "now what?" was the prominent thought held in my mind.
At the end of 2014, a member of my study group mentioned a man named James Twyman would be putting all 365-daily lesson from a Course in Miracles to music. I had not heard of him before, but was excited to experience the lessons in a whole new way. A couple of weeks into 2015, one of the daily musical lessons mentioned James was offering a program called "The Academy of Soul Manifestation" to become a Soul Coach (and obtain the worldly credential of a Master’s Degree in Spiritual Guidance). I knew I wanted to devote my life to my new spiritual practice, and that helping others on their path was a calling. Knowing this was my answer to "now what?" I signed up for the academy, quit my job, and took the next year to deepen my practice.
The very same time I learned about James, A Course of Love (ACOL) entered my life. Reading the introduction to the book was a portal of truth- quite literally. I felt the pull and knew without a doubt, this is the next step. My mind accepted the teachings of ACIM, and now through ACOL my heart would be opened and finally join my Mind and Heart into singular purpose- Wholeheartedness. I also spent time studying The Way Of Mastery. In combination with the teachings within The Art of Spiritual Peacemaking and my studies in the Academy of Soul Manifestation I felt ready to claim my truth....
But I needed to learn a deeper lesson before I was truly ready. 6 months after finishing my masters degree and launching my soul services, I got married and moved to Germany. I slowly disconnected from all of my soul support and groups and connections I had spent the last 5 years cultivating. A 8 hour time difference from 'home' and seemingly no one in my new community with similar beliefs, I felt damn isolated spiritually. I would get the occasional booking, but when I did it was not excitement I felt, but dread as self doubt and fear bubbled to the surface.
For 2 years, I practiced alone. It is only in hindsight and after reflection with guidance from Spirit that I recognized what this 2 year period of seeming isolation was all about. I needed to explore and discover that the things of the world I had always believed were going to bring me a feeling of fulfillment simply weren't. This is something I knew intellectually, but I needed to experience it to finally embrace the truth. A loving husband, traveling the world, a job I'm good at and where I am appreciated....things outside of me. Did they bring me joy, and experiences of happiness? Absolutely! But that deep desire to fulfill my soul's purpose was being left unanswered.
In 2020, after moving back to the states and starting a spiritual movie night via zoom, it happened. I picked a movie and had forgotten it had rather raunchy explicit scenes in it. I went into complete fear and could not stop worrying about what the members of my group would think of me for picking that film. The spiral of fear, self judgment, and ridiculousness lasted for 2 days. As I finally surrendered and settled into a meditation, I decided I was done with this self judgment. Done with the doubt. Just done. I was ready to let my True Self step forward, once and for all.
I started saying YES to everything Spirit nudged me to do. Start a TikTok? Yes! Quit my job? Yes! Re-launch my soul services? Yes! Finally claim my ability to connect with Spirit and channel? Yes! Live authentically as me? YES!
My path has led me here, to you, reading this page and wondering "is this right for me?" Say Yes! and begin to explore the longing of your soul.
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